My heart goes out to all of you that have a husband or loved one inside. Most of you are wondering, "What will he be like when he gets out? What can I do to help him? Will I be able to handle all of his changes?"
I know exactly what you're thinking about because I went through all of it after my late husband Bear Morgan got out. He was so institutionalized after serving 22 years, I really had to constantly seek God for wisdom in dealing with stuff. Now that Bear has been out 12 years and we've been through it all, I can share with you the main things you'll have to deal with and help re-establish in your man after he gets out.
I call them the 4 R's --
1. Relationships. One area that you'll deal with a lot is him being able to have a good relationship with you and others. Your relationship with him will be different out here than it was in the visiting room. And if you have children it will take time for him to adjust to really being dad again.
Some wisdom: don't be alarmed by his anger or frustration. Keep encouraging him as a husband and a father. Things will get better especially if you never say things like "You'll never change" or "I ran this house better without you." He will learn and his positive input is more vital than I can say. One caution: he needs to stay away from relationships out here that helped him get to prison.
2. Responsibility. This area is sensitive, especially after a guy has served much time. He hasn't had to pay the bills, get the kids to school or keep the car running. He has had his meals, rent and light bill covered. But just let him adjust at his own speed and he'll be fine. Bear had never gotten anything, except illegally, until the last time he was released as a Christian. He had to learn responsibility all from scratch and it was pretty scary for him at first. It took time but now he watches his spending, knows how to budget money and knows the importance of keeping bills paid up.
3. Reputation. This is an area that is hard because it takes time to build a new reputation after you have been labeled an ex-felon, ex-con or parolee. As a woman in their life, you can help them overcome a bad reputation in the free world by saying things like "You're a new man! Old things have passed away -- all things are brand new!" Don't be talking about the past -- talk about the blessings of the day and the future. How you believe in them, that they're going to make it just fine and that will help him learn to believe in himself.
4. Reward. That's what this one is all about. Encourage him, encourage him! In your mouth is life or death, so speak words of life to your loved one. Reward him with positive input in even the little things. I even had a little party for Bear when he got his driver's license back after release. We also celebrate his date of release as much as birthdays in our house. At his seven-year anniversary of freedom, over 220 people showed up to the party we held! Those rewards along the way really build confidence to stay out and give a great foundation of self worth.
Just pray daily and ask the Holy Spirit to help you be the best helpmate you can be. God will do it through you, and before you know it, you'l be celebrating his seven years of freedom, too!
Roland and Dove Osborne
